Tuesday Reflections - When I Grow Up...

It's a question we are asked hundreds of times as a child; probably
with a different answer each time: 'What do you want to be when you
grow up?'. My first memory of my answer to that question is:
pediatrician. I'm sure I wanted to be lots of things before I decided
at age 10 that I was sure I wanted to be a baby doctor. Before that I
probably dreamed of being a ballerina or a princess or something of
that sort, but I don't remember. By the time I graduated high school I
had changed my mind (naturally). I guess the years and years of
college and lack of a college fund persuaded me explore other areas. I then
decided that I wanted to study the field of Early Childhood
Development. I envisioned myself as a pre-school or Kindergarten
teacher. I never did follow through with that dream and I'm sure it's
for the best. I'm with my own children 24/7 and I honestly don't
think I could handle being with other people's children all day.
Teachers are saints in my book, and Im sure I don't qualify for that.

So here I am, 30 years old, married with 2 kids and I still haven't
figured out what I want to be when I grow up. I'm 8 classes away from
a degree in business administration...a course study that I abandoned
after I had Ryleigh. I would like to eventually finish and get my
degree. But, do I ever picture myself as some high level executive at
a big prosperous business? Absolutely not. I've never been a career-oriented person and I don't ever imagine that changing. Although, I
will say that my business training has been valuable in my attempts to
be a work-at-home mom and start my own business; so it hasn't been a
wasted effort. Bare Bottoms Boutique was a great venture for me, and
was starting to become quite profitable - in terms of cloth diaper sales. The problem was it was taking too much away from my children. It required more time and energy than 2
children under age 4 would allow. It was a hard decision to make and I
miss it, but the kids have to come first...that was kind of the point
of me staying home in the first place.

Ever since the day Ryleigh was born I couldn't imagine myself as
anything else but a SAHM. But now we're done having children and my
oldest will be in school all day starting in the fall with her little
brother following in just 2 short years. So, then what??? It's a
question that's been weighing a lot on me lately. I know that entering
the workplace again after a 7 year hiatus is not going to be easy.
Unfortunately, 'SAHM 2005-2012' isn't going to be too impressive on a
resume. So what do I do? Start another business? I certainly have
enough talent to support one, and time wouldn't be as big of an issue
once the kids are in school. I also like the idea of being here when
the kids get home from school and need to be carted around to all
their activities and functions. But is that all I want for myself?
I don't know...I guess I envisioned more. Something that would define
me as ME and not just 'Ryleigh and Isaac's mom'. But, then
again...what job could ever be more important than MOM? I guess I
still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I wonder
if I ever will....