Tuesday Reflections - Mom

In honor of Mother's Day...a tribute to my Mom.

I guess you could say I have had a pretty typical relationship with my mother. As a little girl I looked up to her and thought I had the best mommy in the world. As a teenager, I couldn't stand her and thought she was ruining my life. As an adult, she has become my best friend. However, it wasn't until I became a mother myself that I was truly able to understand and appreciate my mom.

I always knew she was a good Mom. From the time I was born, she always put me first in her life and gave me everything I needed. I know now that times were tough and she went through a lot. But, I never knew that as a child. It wasn't until I got older that I realized the things she went through and the sacrifices she made. All I knew as a young child was love and security. Then as a tween and teen, like most kids, I started questioning everything she did and started pulling away from her. I was sure she was out to get me and bound and determined to make my life miserable. I will admit it - I was a bitch and I'm sure I wasn't fun to live with. We argued, we fought, I said mean and hurtful things...but she was still always there. I could go to her with anything (even though most of the time I didn't) and she'd help me through it. She made sure I was safe and involved in the right activities, and continued to put me first. Once I moved out on my own - the day I spent all of teen years waiting for - I found myself drawn back to my mom. Calling to see if she wanted to do something, or just to chat, or asking some stupid household question. We have become best friends. But, when Ryleigh was born and in the years following, I finally 'got' it. I now understand what it is like to want to give up everything you are for the little being that was and forever will be a piece of you. I understand what it is like to live in constant fear of the loss or separation from your child. I understand the hard decisions that you have to make as a parent and the constant guilt and self-questioning that goes along with it. I understand the nearly impossible task of trying to keep your child safe and on the right track. I now understand how hard it is and how way too often all you want to do is run away from it all - but you don't. Now I get it. I understand the reasons why my mother did the things she did, the things she said and the things she didn't say. And I love her all the more for it. So, thank you, Mom - for everything. I honestly and truly appreciate everything you did and did not do for me as a child. Most of all - thank you for teaching me to be a good mother. Now all I can do is hope and pray that one day my children will 'get it' and forgive me for the mistakes I make as their mom.

I love you, Mom!